The Pyromaniac and the Miser
by Sharpie153
Summary: Is there anything people will not do when it concerns money?


"What the fuck were you thinking" exclaimed a villager of the hidden snow.

"What do you mean what was I thinking. I was bored" Taiyou said in a spaced out tone.

"Does boredom constitute wonton destruction" asked other random villager.

"Have you ever had to stare at a ceiling for six hour trying to think what to do" retorted Taiyou.

"What going on" Aisu yelled while she rushed in.

" You sister got 'bored' and decided to raze the school, the hospital, the local building contractor, the fire station and the local prison to 'find something to do'" Yelled the first villagers.

"You both will be expelled from our land" said the village leader.

"Why am I being kicked out' exclaimed Aisu.

"Because you were 'hormonal' last month and destroyed my house" the village leader yelled.

"Blame the demon that you sealed inside of me!" Aisu exclaimed.

"Ooo burn" Taiyou teased.

"VERY FUNNY, that's exactly what most of OUR village is doing RIGHT NOW!" The Elder was not taking no for an answer

"NOW OUT" all the villagers yell

"Ok, bye now" Taiyou said happily while skipping down the road.

"I don't get to clean out my house first" Aisu asked

The villagers then look around shiftily and sang in unison "Whaaaaat hoooouuuuse"

Aisu then proceeded to slap Taiyou across the face with her sword sheath.

"You dickhead! My lifelong collection of Naruto trading cards was in there!" Aisu roared

"So what? You never played with those things anyway, you just stared at the Kisame cards." Taiyou returned

"From now on you will get your ass into line and NOT destroy everything around you for entertainment, IS THAT CLEAR!?" Aisu asked

"It's a bit rusty, but the message got through" Taiyou joked

"Walk down that dirt road, walk out that gate and do what I fucking tell you" Aisu yelled at Taiyou

"Alright, alright Ai" Taiyou said

No more than thirty minutes walking down the road were they bored of walking so Taiyou thought she would lighten the mood by being incredibly annoying.

"Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road, follow the, follow the, follow the, follow the, follow the yellow brick road" Taiyou sang with every step.

"Must you sing that annoying infuriating song constantly" Aisu said coldly.

Taiyou said "Well we have to find some form of entertainment or I will have to start pulling the legs off these ants and imagine that they feel pain"

"Why must you be so destructive Tai" Aisu said boredly

"Come on Aisu, have you ever had fun building something" Taiyou groaned

"Yes I have" Aisu replied bitterly

"Your card collection doesn't count, I meant building something from scratch" Taiyou explained

"I know what you mean, cooking can be such a drag" Aisu agreed

-_Off in the distance-_

"What was that, is someone calling me" Shikamaru says while looking around cautiously

_-Back to the girls-_

After several minutes of talking the twins run straight into a wall

Aisu goes "Owww, my face" and Taiyou goes "Oww, my boobs".

"Where did this wall come from?" Aisu asked

Taiyou then says "Weren't you watching where you were going"

"Don't be smart, you ran into the wall too" Aisu replied

Taiyou says "Wow it's so big"

"You're thinking with your pussy at a time like this" Aisu said

"Fine, It is a great piece of rocky stature. Are you happy now" Taiyou said

"Yes I am" Aisu replied, punching the wall.

Nothing happens.

"It's so hard" Aisu says

"So if you do it, it is ok but if I do it you gotta go call the police about" Taiyou said bitchily

"No, no, no, not like that. Don't you find it strange that there not even a crack in it" Aisu pointed out

"No. You're my girly sister that still a virgin that fantasizes about boys all day. Let me do it" Taiyou replied.

Taiyou then pulls out a metallic gauntlet and concentrates chakra into the gauntlet and unleashes on the wall. Large amounts of dust falls of the wall and one crack size of a CD appears.

"There is something not right with this wall' they both say is unison. The wall then starts rumbling and divides where the crack was made. In the hole that appeared they could only see black. With this new found excitement, Taiyou sprints into the unknown. Aisu, with mixed feeling about the current situation, proceeds cautiously but accelerates to her low-attention span sister. For what seemed like hours Aisu ran down a never ending corridor what also did not help is that see couldn't see and she constantly bump into walls were ever she went. Aisu started to feel the wall trying to find if she missed anything and found a handle. She tried to pull said handle. On her first attempt she heard someone yell "arrrrgggghhh, what the hell are you doing". Aisu unsure of what was going on tried again. 'Too much pain" was the reply. Aisu, believing that she now knew this was no ordinary handle began to use it appropriately "hey that wasn't half bad" she was told. Only now did she realise that it wasn't a handle she had grasped, she screamed and a light was turned on showing her a group of shady people wearing identical clothes. She was gobsmacked when she realised who she had just fondled.

"y-y-you, KISAME!" Aisu yelled all girly and giggly. She looks down to figure out if she is at that stage yet. When she look, Kisame pants were still on. "YOU EXIST' Aisu yelled. Kisame just goes "No shit". Out of nowhere, Aisu hears muffled noise. Then Aisu yells "Shut up Taiyou. Wait Taiyou, where are you?" Taiyou then kicks shady figure in the toes and the world record of the most swear word in one sentence begins.

Then the blue-haired shady figure says "Why must you be so immature Hidan".

Hidan says back "because I am the fucking number one disciple of the god Jashin you motherfucking heathens".

The Blonde-haired figure says "Don't antagonize him, Konan. You'll make it worse".

Pumpkin-masked shady figure says something like a child "Deidara-sempai, what does antagonize mean?"

Menacing shady figure said "Tobi, do you know what a dictionary is"

Tobi then asked "What's a dictionary Kakuzu"

Teenage looking shady figure says "This is taking too long. Wake me up when this is over"

Then Deidara said "Sasori my man, your impatience amazes me"

Then Tobi asked "what's impatience Deidara-sempai"

A flaming-haired shady figure then appears behind Tobi and cracks him over his head with an encyclopaedia and orders "Sasori, while you're going, take this idiot with you".

Then a shady figure with piercing eyes said "Must you be so harsh on him leader".

The leader replied "The names Pain and yes. If you do not know what a dictionary is, you will be re-educated". "So now that you know how we are as people can't keep identities secret around here, who the fuck are you two" Pain asked.

Taiyou began "Well I…" Aisu grabs pair of socks and shoves them in Taiyou mouth. Aisu says (with constant muffling noise in the background) "We are ninja who have been banished from our homes and we accidently stumbled upon this wall-thingy that may have been your house but seeing as we don't have a home do you have enough room and would be ok if we stay here."

Pain is deep in thought "I don't know about this, how will you benefit us" he asked

Taiyou managing to get rid of sock and says "While I am your go-to ninja for smashing things up"

Then Aisu says "I eviscerate people for breakfast".

Voice from behind her says "Are you being serious about that".

Aisu turns around really quickly and sees a man head protruding from a wall if you can call that a man.

New voice from same location says "How you doing"

Aisu now not afraid of anything because Kisame is here punches strange creature. Strange creature not knowing this is coming gets the full force in the face. Strange creature ejects plant-like mouth from where shoulders would have been and clamps around her head.

"What's going on, what's that 'thing' going to do to Aisu?" Taiyou panicked

"Nothing's going to happen to her so long as Pain is here" Deidara assured

"Is that anyway to treat a guest Zetsu" Pain yelled

"No, but it's the perfect way to treat dinner" Zetsu replied

"If you eat her, I eat you Zetsu" Kisame roared

"Hey Pain, is it alright if I beat the shit out of Zetsu?" Hidan wondered

"No wait, I want to beat the shit out of Zetsu; I could make him feel it for 3 weeks" Itachi retorted

"No, I wanna do it, sit down you blind idiot" Hidan yelled

"All you'll do is mutilate him and then try to sacrifice him to your 'god' Itachi returned

"He ain't no 'god' he's the great lord of pain, he be Jashin!" Hidan yelled back

"Would you two just shut up" Pain yelled over everyone

"I don't like where this is going. I will take you some where safe" Kakuzu whispered to Taiyou.

Taiyou replied "Why would I go with you. I don't even know you"

"If he eats her, he will eat you to" Kakuzu returned. Taiyou then hugs Kakuzu's arm as he slowly makes his escape from the room. They then proceeded down a massive corridor until they came across a set of ivory double doors. Kakuzu then points to the door and asks "Do you want to touch it"

Then Taiyou asks "The door, right?"

Kakuzu then replied "Of course I mean the door, that is why I am pointing to it"

Taiyou asks "Why do you want me to touch the door."

"Because I am trying to prove I can share my wealth with people" Kakuzu said.

"You mean that this is your room. You must be rich as fuck" Taiyou exclaimed.

"Yes I am the treasurer of the Akatsuki. Now just touch the door" Kakuzu said.

"You seem very finicky about this door' Taiyou pointed out.

"Oh my god, Just touch the door" Kakuzu repeated

"I am I going to get roofied or something from this door" Taiyou asked.

"Just touch the god damn door" Kakuzu said getting annoyed.

"No, don't wanna" Taiyou taunted

"You are not Hidan, JUST TOUCH THE FUCKING DOOR!" Kakuzu said very angrily.

"Ok. I'll touch the door" Taiyou said. Taiyou then poked the door. "I did. Are you happy now?"

"No. Touch it properly" Kakuzu said plainly

"Are you serious" Taiyou asked. The only response was Kakuzu's glare. She then placed her hand on the door and marvelled at the fact that the door was made of real ivory.

"It's so smooth, is this real ivory?" Taiyou asked

"Yes, finally you understand the point to this exceptionally long argument" Kakuzu said

"Wow, this would be sooo expensive, what else do you have?" Taiyou asked

"Just wait and see and all shall be revealed" Kakuzu assured

Kakuzu then revealed a long and slender organism from his cloak and used it to penetrate the door's lock and unlocked the door, they then entered the door and a whole new world was revealed.

The floor was divided up into main paths and path borders, the main paths were made of cobbled pearls and the borders were a massive collage of different precious jewels including: rubies, emeralds, diamonds, amethysts, sapphires, black opals, jade and mood ring stones. Taiyou never thought she would so much rich bitch stuff in one place. All of the furniture in the 'room' was top of the line and all the counter-tops and floor were either marble or bedrock. They proceeded to the end of his massive 'room' and they come across a set of obsidian doors.

Kakuzu then says "You don't have to touch these ones."

Taiyou says "Can I touch them anyway?"

Kakuzu replies with "You already know they are real"

Taiyou then pleads "Can I touch them anyway?"

Kakuzu then says "Yeah sure, Go ahead"

Taiyou then plants both hands on the door and moves her hands around on the door.

"Don't you want to know what's behind the door?" Kakuzu asked

"An emporium of adult toy-like objects?" Taiyou asks hopefully.

"No, but that would be awesome" Kakuzu replied.

Kakuzu then uses the same technique as the last door to open this one. This door opens to another corridor. Then Taiyou says "You're not serious, there is another corridor."

Kakuzu then says "Nah. This is just a deterrence mechanism I use to stop Zetsu from getting into the vault." Kakuzu then flip a switch and the corridor disappeared showing that it was just a hologram. A giant circular door had appeared where the hologram faded.

"Behind here is my pride and joy" Kakuzu said proudly, a tear escaping his eye.

Taiyou thought in her head "I wonder what he is so proud of. A kid, a priceless artefact, a giant porn collection or something he keeps secret from everyone else?"

Kakuzu then threw open the door and Taiyou had to cover her eyes because of the blinding light and when her eyes adjusted, She saw mountains the size of Everest of dollar bills. She then said "So much dough!"

"Yep. My pride and joy." Kakuzu said

"I thought your pride and joy would be children, or a priceless artefact, or a giant porn collection or a secret you didn't want people to know about." Taiyou said

"Nope, just my expansive, massive and intimidating fortune, doesn't it make you wanna swim in it?" Kakuzu asked

"How much do you have?" Taiyou asked

"I have-

WARNING!

The amount of Kakuzu's money is so unimaginably large that it would take a tree's worth of paper to put it on print. (Like a giant oak tree that has lived for a million years!)

"And that's much money I have" Kakuzu finalised

"You lost me at dectillion" Taiyou said

"And I will never repeat it as it takes about 3 hrs to recite." Kakuzu said wearily

"You must be out of breath right now" Taiyou mentioned

"Almo… yeah… now I… am" Kakuzu strained to say

"Well, while you catch your breath, I'll just remove these excess clothes and go for a swim" Taiyou then took off her red trench coat and stretched, Kakuzu was watching her and couldn't resist gawking at her 'twin personalities', she then removed her jeans, sandals, tank top and strapped her headband to her arm.

Kakuzu, wondering if he was dreaming, ran up the closest wall and fell on his face and muffled "ow, fuck that hurt" "did you say something Kakuzu" Taiyou chimed out.

"Mflshlukuflm" Kakuzu replied

"Okay, you can join me if you want" Taiyou proposes

"Mmmmmm mfghluphm" Kakuzu accepts

Kakuzu then removed his mask, his cloak, his shirt and pants but retained his boxers.

Taiyou then thought "he is uuugly, but he is sewagely rich, with so much money that he could use it to wipe said sewage off his ass and still eat diamonds day in and day out. MUST BANG HIM QUICKLY TO SEAL MY PLACE AS HIS BITCH, and as his secret money thief, MUAHAHAHAHA!"

"Don't even think of taking any of my money unless you want to be fed to Hidan, and he uses razorblades and lemon juice on his food" Kakuzu warned

"You can hear my thoughts" Taiyou said scaredy

"I can hear anything associated with money" Kakuzu explained

"OK, I won't still your money. I will be your sex slave and you can pay me" Taiyou proposed.

"How much we talking here?" Kakuzu asked

"Well, you feed me, clothe me, put me up, buy me nice things and let me go on a shopping spree once in a while". Taiyou replied.

" I only buy the best for permanent things. If you leave me or spends stuff randomly, I will kill you" Kakuzu said.

"You have so much money and you are a bitch about it" Taiyou complained.

"I grew up with nothing and had to work for all this money. So quit your bitching and get to work" Kakuzu ordered.

Then Taiyou asked "Where shall we begin?"

Kakuzu then pulls out a pad and paper and asks "What are you ok with me doing."

" I don't care just fuck me all ready" Taiyou replied.

"Are you sure you want to take that path?" Kakuzu questioned

"Yes. Hurry up, I can't wait any longer" Taiyou said loudly. Kakuzu then fires four tentacle out of his body to grab and restrain Taiyou. Taiyou tried to protest but she had a tentacle gagging her. Kakuzu heard her muffled voice and reminded her that she never specified anything he could not do. He then dragged her deeper into the vault behind Mt. Moolah and passed the Coin Chasm to a bed made of gold bars. Kakuzu then tied her down with the tentacles. Taiyou then said "I'm not going to escape."

"I know. This will just add to the enjoyment" Kakuzu replied. Kakuzu then changed the atmosphere by planting a small sweet kiss on the tip of her nose and then on her lips, Taiyou wasn't expecting this and tried to return the favour, but couldn't because she was tied down and Kakuzu picked up on this, he then pressed himself on her and allowed her to do so.

They pressed there soft flesh together, sliding over each other like a hand over velvet. Kakuzu then forced his tongue into Taiyou's mouth and began to taste his new morsel, Taiyou fought back and the both of them were waging TW III (Tongue War 3).

Kakuzu then retreated, exited the battlefield and then bunker busted and targeted her turrets with the same weapon. Taiyou then began to tug at her restraints. Kakuzu then freed her and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pressed herself against him. Kakuzu opened his mouth a little bit and filled it with plushy pillowiness. He then fluffed the other pillow with his hand. Because of their current position, Taiyou took it upon herself to massage his shotgun through his boxers. With the sudden shock, Kakuzu's jaw tightened and let out a noise of enjoyment out of his nose. Taiyou let out a moan at the same time and began to reload him. Now, Kakuzu had been with girls before, but none of those girls had been like this. Kakuzu slowing down but without stopping said "You seem like you want it, are you sure you're ready".

Taiyou replied "Need you ask".

"Yes, I am legally obligated to" Kakuzu joked.

"Well screw the law, I'm a criminal so you be the bad cop and punish me" Taiyou insisted.

"I sentence you to be stripped of your clothes and be subjected to internal examination with foreign instruments" Kakuzu announced.

Kakuzu then removed Taiyou's and his underwear and readied his weapon for a different kind of battle.

"You can only breaks once, how do you want me to approach, slow and gentle or force it all in at once?" Kakuzu asked.

"Just destroy me as much as possible" Taiyou replied.

Kakuzu didn't hold back, he rammed his sword into her sheath and an explosion of red escaped through the gaps in the seal.

"KAKUZU! I HURT VERY MUCHLY!" Taiyou screamed.

"Don't worry. I know what I am doing, the pain will pass" Kakuzu told her sweetly.

Taiyou replied with "You better know what you are doing because I ain't going through this again."

"Trust me. It is not as bad the second time" Kakuzu replied. As he said that he pulled back and ran his sword through her again. Taiyou then immediately felt the change from pain to pleasure and said quickly "Oh Kakuzu do that again". Kakuzu then back up again and went in again with full force.

"Ow, not that hard. I'm not my sister. How about you try a quick, steady and not so forceful pace. " Taiyou said.

"I think I can manage that" Kakuzu replied.

Kakuzu then began his circus of tenderising, Taiyou made noise with every connection, pound after pound Taiyou yelped and moaned and after a while Kakuzu started squeezing and fondling her boobs, Taiyou was now in sound overdrive "oh Kakuzu, Kakuzu I love it, keep it up Kakuzu" Taiyou repeated over and over until Kakuzu suddenly stopped, propped her up on all fours, and began again from behind.

Kakuzu continued his steady onslaught and grasped her dangling mammary glands as well, Taiyou could only think of the moment, felt every thrust and every motion of the breast, she hadn't experienced this and she knew she wanted it again.

"Kakuzu… I think… I'm getting to… that point" Taiyou said intermittently

"Alright, just leave it to me" Kakuzu assured

Kakuzu wrapped his arms around Taiyou's waist and wound back, bringing Taiyou with him and just when she was about to fall on him Kakuzu jumped and forced as much cock as he could into her pussy and they both howled in delight.

Off in the distance on the peak of a nearby cash-hill Hidan spotted the pair sleeping off their "Days investments" and rushed back to report his findings to the rest of the team.


End file.
